Thursday, March 12, 2015

The Single Dilemma

You would think that after being single for 28 years, one would have GREAT tips on how to "survive." No one is ever satisfied with advice given out about how to handle being alone. It doesn't seem fair that the married folk should hand it out nor does it really feel good when a single soul decides to list the coping mechanisms. If they are making a list, then they must be thinking about it a lot. And if they are thinking about it a lot, are they just as unsatisfied?

Since I have only been hangin' with my husband for 5 years and married for 2.5, I still remember what it was like to be in single status. The relationship I have with him is the longest and most serious, so before that I pretty much was straight up single. I know the drill people.

The other day I thought about advice for single folk, for some reason. It hit me like a bomb shell realizing that I had just placed that thought in the forefront. It made my old self want to cringe. Who wants to hear it really? But then I thought about something very sobering. I had what I consider the ultimate advice. One that has nothing to do with coping or waiting for someone to come along. It had everything to do with JUST me. Hey, now don't think I was getting all selfish. This is a legit advice portal that is about to happen.

All that time I spent dreaming, thinking, pondering, consulting, trying out, wondering, sulking, revolving, crying, smiling, what have you... about some boy or any boy, I was forgetting about what I did have. Seriously. I never really talked about it with girlfriends or got all googly eyed. I didn't have major plans for my hypothetical wedding. I just wanted a friend, a companion. Sounds normal right? Ya, until I realized later that I hadn't even thought about taking the time to really cultivate what I had, and that was my own person.

This is slightly embarrassing and cruel to expose myself. Or maybe it is just normal for a 20 some year old to have their head stuck in guy/girl-mode. I think back (from my 31 year old self) and wish that I had taken the time and energy, in my mind, to enhance my gifts and talents. Oh, ya I studied hard in college and did well, but that isn't what I am talking about. I am speaking about a real commitment with yourself.

Know yourself well. Find out what you like to do when everything is caught up and your're just chillaxin. Figure out your strengths and weaknesses, then apply them to how you communicate with other people. Get involved with a ministry. Start a ministry. Find a place that is missing something and fill it with your skill set. Once you know yourself well, it doesn't stop there. Enjoy it. Let it evolve and unfold into something practical and tangible. See how others react to your strengths and then even your weaknesses. Spend time cultivating relationships with EVERYONE. See what makes them tick. See what makes you laugh or annoyed around other people.

I am not saying you gotta suck it up and deal with being single. We weren't made to be alone. What I am saying is that the person inside of you is interesting and deserves your attention. It deserves to grow and mature. That even goes for the older folk. I like to say folk apparently. I know that I haven't lived a very long time, but I do know that there is always something new to learn. Those hours you spent thinking about something you don't have, isn't yours at the end of the day. It wisps away in the wind and is gone. All that is left is your agony or whatever.

So ask yourself, what really is yours? What are you doing with it? Where can you go with it? And stop asking, WHEN, HOW, WHY. Look at those 3 words. Can't you just see someone throwing a fit? So tackle the life you have and make it thrive.

Lastly, this post is not just for all you single FOLK out there. It is also for those who have lost themselves along the way with their careers, raising children, supporting their spouse, taking care of their aging parents, or just haven't taken the time to, again, THRIVE. I am glad that I am figuring this out now. It actually makes things easier for my husband. It puts less impossible expectations on him and more fire under my own butt. :)

**And here is the REAL news breaker.... of course the guy/girl always comes when you least expect it. Do you know the future? doh.**

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