Friday, August 17, 2012

Strength of the Water

In happiness, I fell in love with music. The touch was another sensory receptor on my skin, not just in my ears. The power it provided to write was intense, making each word flow and each visual thought pour with immensity. Looking back, I realize that I thought it was the only driving source of inspiration and energy. For the past few years I have not been able to write well, even with the hum of notes soothing or the beat of hard drums and electric guitar. I know now that one's heart must feel happiness to fully write with such passion and feeling. With love we can be the strongest people we ever were; and with that we flow, mingle, and engage in networks of knowledge. It is the fear disposed of, the energy to endure despite opinions, and the desire to reach new dimensions.

I still do not have all that happiness wrapped in a perfect little package of joy, but I am discovering the power of love and how much it REALLY IS forgiving. It lets go of the pain and yelling you remember.  In that place you realize that happiness is more than just feeling light and care free. It is a decision to look directly into your "enemy's" eye and say that you are blessed despite "their" efforts. I believe that the more that we fall into the care of God, the more we will be strong. Each time that I realize I am on the sad part of life the more I realize that I really should get out of my self pity and drink the water of eternal life. If the Samaritan woman could get it, why can't we?

So, now I listen to music while I write with a different twist. It is still like sugar to my ears, but there is more behind my desire to write. I want to remind, uplift, engage, and bring attention to you. Just you. Maybe what I do won't be what you were looking for, but in the end it will lead you to a direction you were planning to go.

Music. Such a fickle little friend.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

grand is where God is

Maybe all of my best thoughts occur during running. I am completely confident when I go out in my worn out sneakers, with some headphones, and push myself out into the fresh air. The last couple of days I have been pretty much racing the rain clouds. Two days ago I worked myself hard. I felt like quitting, my chest hurt, my quads hurt, but there was this hill. At the end of my route. I usually walk up it, but that day I ran up it, trying to keep my pace. I did it and when I reached the top I noticed the sky.

It took me in immediately. The clouds were looming and blue-gray. I could almost feel the water droplets ready to burst down to the earth. It was quite heavy and pending. There in the open area I knew that I had completed my efforts in running and that here I needed to look at the sky and think about God. For some reason I could sense His presence there. Through out Christianity these days we seem to focus so much attention on how God is  a personal God. One who is like a friend or a brother. I for some reason have a real attraction to how BIG God is. Not only do I need that kind of God, I know that He is like that no matter what anyone out there thinks. Even if I wanted Him to be quiet, reserved, and small He still would be grand, luminous, and ready to give His opinion.

I knew that out there a storm could brew. I could feel the lightning stirring, but I wanted to breath in what I saw. I felt a moment of freedom and security. I have been reading Genesis and there in that very moment I felt the God of Genesis. I sensed the power and intelligence. I knew that if He made me and if He is the power and intelligence that I found, then He would not make me without reason. I believe that it is our own insecurities and selfishness that makes us not really live up to what we should be. In this thought I want to share that we must push ourselves passed the wanting to quit and the pain in our "chests". We will feel a million times better in the long run. Literally.

Happy Sabbath!

Saturday, May 26, 2012

all you have is now: embrace

Anxiety is a drawback in my life. I dwell in it when I don't even realize it, my thoughts get carried away on tangents of doubts, regrets, supposed impending doom. I have tried everything in order to overcome my fears, but nothing seems to have solved my defeats. Then out of the blue God gave me something to ponder. I know the verses "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin"* and "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?"** I even believe that they are words of wisdom, but I never really knew the depths of what they meant.

About a week ago I somehow got on the conversation about being in Heaven for eternity. The idea of living forever always freaked me out. I would imagine my life not ending and it would make me very upset. Kind of weird to think that not dying would freak me out, but I guess I really thought about life with endings, like it gave me some sort of comfort. So I realized I needed to analyze why I was so bothered by this concept.

A few days later I came to this conclusion (that can definitely be fine tuned): I believe that the verses afore mentioned are meant to tell us that our lives and minds are meant to exist in the here and now. Only God can live in the future and past. We spend a lot of time regretting our past and fretting about the future that we end up being a sort of god, trying to maintain the likelihood of survival. I realized that I, too, am trying to play God's part in life. I believe that it is definitely true that God meets you in the present now. If I spend so much time in what is really not my time, I will miss out on a lot of good things. I will say that it has been hard to pray because of my fretting/regretting state of mind. This supports my thoughts about living in the present.

So, we must embrace the time we have (the present) and realize all the beauty around us. Just the other day I went running and on the side of the road there was this fog over an open area of grass. I stopped to consider it and thought it would be an awesome place to photograph people. Then as I kept walking, my face looking over my shoulder, I noticed red rays of sun coming through the trees and fog. It was AMAZING. It was like the fingers of God were coming out to reach my soul. It was rather warming for my insides. As far as freaking out about eternity I realized that it is not my place to think of the future in that way. In Heaven we are to live in the present where we can see God. I might as well start thinking that way now.

: )

* Matthew 6:27-29
** Matthew 6:24-26

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

delicate diamonds

I decided that I needed to take some time to put my words to use. Instead of posting images right and left, I have left this tiny space in the world to place my discoveries. Here you will see a part of the person I want to be, have been, and am. Simple is my presentation and delicate are the thoughts that are produced here. With delicacy I hope to show strength, beauty, and honesty. It will come from what you might not expect. When a character is perfected there is much vulnerability, hence the delicacy, with lots of rough edges to be exposed. So at first there might be ugliness and fears. Embrace your character and then let it fly. Maybe a piece of my insight will help to ignite.