So I happened to be waiting to make my purchase in Barnes and Noble when a magazine/book caught my eye. It had a vintage camera on the front so I thought, why not pick it up and look through it? I flipped through the pages quickly and saw that it had some pretty cool imagery and several places to write thoughts and answer questions. It looked like some sort of self help booklet. Cool, I thought. Maybe I would want to put out something like that some day....
Well, instead of buying it I decided to check it out online. I found it on Amazon and it gave a little description, trying to reel me in. It conveyed being a magazine to help you let go of perfection and embrace the mess of your life. Hold up! What? In my mind I took a step back and evaluated my reaction. This is how it played out:
I considered perfection and that trying to attain it is near impossible. I can fake it, we can all fake it. So I thought, "Ya, it is pretty impossible to accomplish perfection." Then I thought about the proposal this magazine was trying to make. Embrace the mess? Hmmm... it kind of freaked me out. I have no idea about the ways in which they were suggesting you embrace the mess, but it got me to thinking. Yes, I think.
What part of accepting our messy lives applies to Christianity? Is it all really ok? It made me think about the times I beat myself up about stuff. Where I have failed miserably. I remember wanting to get passed the endless circles of wallowing in my fears and failures. I wanted to live again, in a way that would only prompt me to be a better self. Yet perfection just wasn't working for me. This is where God comes in and says, "Hey, I have a solution for you. Give ME your mess." Here is where God spoke.
I was needing some inspiration before going into an interview. I have a tendency to ramble on and get side tracked when I am nervous. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want my weakness to shine through, I wanted to succeed. So I found the following verse that not only blew me away, but snapped me into place. It transformed my fearful heart with confidence.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to (or acknowledge) Him, and He will make your path straight.
As clear as day, He spoke to me with reassurance. God was clearly asking me to give up the mess AND perfection! He wanted me to lean in, all the way, and submit everything about me to His own plans. That promise to make my path straight? Oh ya, He later blew me way passed infinity and beyond. He took my life and said, "Krystal. This is how I designed you to be. This is what I created you to do. Watch and learn." BAM.
In order to give you perspective, I want you to know that this acknowledgement of God did not come easily. Before I became aware of the fact that I needed God's assistance, the devil was there behind me hissing in my ear. He was grounding in the past failures. The screw ups. The downright pitiful mess that I thought I had become. He wasn't there to offer a solution or a cure. He just wanted me to buy into the fate that he possesses. Folks (haha), it was like a splash of cold water to the face when I realized what I was walking into.
The battle is real, but the tools to conquer are an endless supply. From here on out I have taken the words in Proverbs 3:5-6 and have used them to accomplish much in such a short time. This mind of mine has been revitalized, renewed. So the next time your mess gets 'all up in yo face', remember this,
"Hey, I have a solution for you. Give ME your mess."
(the above photos I took myself. first time setting up the tripod, focus, and timer all together to take a selfie with the D610!)