I think that God wants us to live simple lives. Not cheap and barren, just full of what we need and enjoying the beauty that already exists. There are some things that are hard for me to give up. Like dealing with the idea that I could live forever. For some reason that gives me the chills. Or those keepsakes in the attic stored in a huge blue bin. God is working on me and each little step is taking me to a new priority. For example, I had like 15 textbooks that I kept and thought I would never get rid of. They were examples of the knowledge I had gained, challenges I had conquered, and hours upon hours of time spend cramming my mind. They symbolized a path I had taken on my own.
They looked all pretty on the shelf and let me tell you, I spent a LOT of money on those books. It is like they were my trophies. So, over the past few years those books resided at my parents in an upstairs bedroom. I kept meaning to get them back into my own house but I kept forgetting about them. I began to think about how I wanted to get rid of the novels I had, but of course I was going to keep the psychology books!
Another thing that was happening to me was that I was rediscovering myself. I was over my fatigue when reading and I was unwrapping some new passions. I understood that it was possible that I might never do anything very directly with my degree but at the same time knew exactly what it all had given me. Those 4 years and money spent, I wouldn't trade for anything. I know what it is ilke to study with really smart people. I know that it is possible to be ordinary and have something in common with them. I know what it's like to challenge my professors and speak up in a classroom full of other intellectuals. And I used to be the shy kid in school. I know how to write an essay in 2 hours and have a professor be inspired. If I did not go to college my eyes would have been closed to the possibilities. Critical thinking and problem solving was all we ever did.
So now that you might think that this was all for bragging rights, I have to let you know that a day does not go by that I don't think that I didn't challenge myself enough by not going to grad school. There comes a limit for everyone I think. Everyone knows their boundaries when pushing themselves. After college I wanted to live a little and not dread tests, homework, and research papers. I wanted to leave work at work and just enjoy my evenings. I got that and now I am seeing life differently.
I have evaluated what seems necessary to keep in my life. I have spent many thoughts wondering what I am meant for. Everyone does this, no matter their education. So when I went to go through my books at my parents' last night, I easily put aside the Abnormal Psychology and Social Psychology textbooks. And to think they were elective courses. I also knew exactly which books I wanted to keep... Neuroscience, Psychopharmacology, Biologial Psychology, A&P, etc... oh and that Cognitive Pscyhology textbook I actually never read all the way through. Confession time. I don't really know why God made it so easy for me to understand the nervous system. I don't know what He wants to do with it all. But what I do want you to know is that I am not a counsellor. I haven't done my time in clinicals or studied enough on behavior. I just like the brain, that's it.
What I am trying to say here is that we can start out on a path thinking that we know exactly where we will end up. I thought I was going to graduate school to be a researcher, but that is not what I am today. I thought I would want to keep all those textbooks and that I loved EVERYTHING about Psychology. I almost felt like it was a crime to eliminate some of it, but last night I physically did. I kept what I feel is now important to me. I don't know, yet, where this knowledge will take me. I don't know why God made me LOVE the nervous system. Just a small selection on the topic of the human body. We can't go through life thinking we have to do what is expected. We can only do what we are CALLED to do.
I want to live a simple life but at the same time I find the complexity of the mind and nervous system to be so facinating. It is where God's breath touches humanity. When it says in Genesis that God breathed into Adam, I believe He was igniting the nervous system and brain initially. It is our distinction. It is what gives us the ability to think, pray, feel, and love others. As we look into one another eyes we are also capturing the mind of another with our own eyes and minds. Crazy!
Anyways, it's getting late. No matter the destination or detours you have taken in life, remember, God uses it all! Thank goodness. Here is to moving, thinking, and living life to the fullest!
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