Creative or Not, Here It is

I know it has been a while here. A lot of things going on that I am waiting to talk about here. For now I just want to talk about other topics. My heart has been really thinking about creativity lately. Today I asked myself what it was that made me think I was creative. I don't scrapbook or paint with little brushes. Sometimes I honestly play things too safe. You should have seen me at Home Depot the other day. I was struggling. Alone. I had a choice to make on wall paint. I would grab a color confidently and then would question and doubt. I felt myself saying it was too gray, too green, too boring, too crazy. I wanted to throw my hands up.

Strangely being married I have had more opportunities for experiencing independence and self preservation than I thought I would. Seriously, choosing wall paint alone is like man vs. wild. It's painful. I really wanted someone to reassure me, that it was right. I didn't want to make a mistake and have to add my gallon to the shelf of oops paint. When I finally just went with my gut and without anyone else's opinions it all worked out. The room is soothing and everyone likes the color choice. 

This got me thinking, don't creatives like the freedom to fly in possibilities? Why am I all caught up in fear, as if I think I have any say in imagination? I mean it isn't like the task I had was novel. What would I do with a blank slate? Would I squeal in delight? I kinda doubt it.

I admire creative people I have found. I like watching them work and it somehow releases my uptight heart. Like it's been given permission to breathe deep and smell the summer afresh. The air of blossoms, bursting. What creatives have to offer is colorful, bright, refreshing, alive, and joyful. At least those are the creatives I enjoy. 

If I could feel comfortable in my own skin maybe I would realize that I, too, am creative. I know what looks pretty but do I think that I am beautiful? It's all a psychological science. This confidence and self esteem deal has got me befuddled. I am literal. How does that make me creative? Why do I want to be creative? What's so wrong with the other way of life? What is that other way? I think that in the end all creatives want to be released from or to something. I ache to be released from my closed minded ness , self pity, fears, and perfectionism. 

Some thrive on mistakes. May I at east come to terms with them. "Perfect love casts out fear". Those are the words I must embrace. God is showing me His creative side so that I in turn have a chance to reveal what he has given me. Taking chances and just going with your gut instincts, even if it happens at Home Depot, is a big deal. 

One more thought. Sometimes we want to be someone else's creative. It is taking me a while to discover that my natural creative mediums have about the same punch in life. It takes a while to realize the grass is just as great on this side.  Go create, love, and most definitely laugh. 

Excluding the Rod in the Name of Love

After discussing being a selfless woman, the question that runs through my mind is "what else is there to discuss?" At the core of our beliefs, as Christians, is a Christ-like focus where we try to wrap our minds around His amazing love. In order to shine His light and show others who He is we try to become more like Him. It is the ultimate witness.

I thought about it for a bit and came to another realization. While God's character is built upon the fundementals of love, He also has another side to His existence. Discipline and rule. Concepts that, as humans, we find complicated to believe along with calling God love. So I am keeping them in separate entities. This other side has been labeled many things and I am almost afraid to even give it a name. Almost is a key word. As someone who favors on the side of intolerance I cannot be afraid to call something by its rightful name.

God, in his very nature, will not exist without a government. After looking at how He organized the children of Israel in the wilderness for 40 years, I cannot help but be amazed at how much order there was. But I don't think I fully understood or appreciated it until the Israelites wanted a king. Once Saul and others lined up for duty, it all kind of went down hill. It appeared like chaos and here is something all women will understand... I saw DRAMA. And God let the Israelites have their way. Instead of letting their actual King rule the nation, they wanted someone they could see and other nations would take notice of. They wanted to be like everyone else. Sound familiar?

Just taking a moment to compare this with our own lives is astounding. I know that when I give myself to God and His form of government my life is a lot less dramatic. With that being said I have to consider God's holiness and power. With Him as my King I want to follow the guidelines that He has given, so that I can have the well developed life that He originally planned for me. I stumble everyday in this area. I worry and try to control situations instead of taking it to Him. I get impatient and angry when things do not go my own way, but I know that God helps me when I ask Him for His help in this area of life. The more that I acknowledge Him and ask for help the more I see Him moving and working. The gratification of seeing Him move, makes me want to keep going to Him.

I have also learned that God will only go so far with letting sin run its course. Consider the flood and how He was ready to destroy the whole earth and just start over. Consider how He dealt with the Israelites when they were blatantly not following His lead. Even when other nations feared their God, they still wanted their own way and had no respect.

I grew up with respect for God, but it wasn't till I really understood His love that I feared His power not out of sheer horror, but out of reverence. As my Creator I can only give Him my respect. Thinking that the truths in life are all relative to my own views is pretty much nonsense if I am going to follow God. He sets the rules and I am in no way allowed to go ahead and change them. I can try but in the end I will fail miserably and loose out on a life of pure fulfillment.

In this day and age our minds are tested when it comes to moral issues. I am noticing this more strongly every day. I fear that without focusing completely upon God and His government we will be deceived by the devil into thinking that what God has designed is really just relative. Our tolerant society has pretty much spelled it out plainly. I believe that once we let our minds mold love and government into one package we will find that following God's instruction is not a cruelty or closed-minded thinking.

Before we turn our hearts away from God ruling our lives,  let us consider that our examples here on earth are defective. The world has an idea of rule and government that is warped and deceitful. Even in Christianity God's government is misrepresented. I know that this topic today isn't really about my feelings or about my struggle, but I want us to focus on what is not of us. It isn't about warm fuzzies. I can say honestly that I found myself, this past week, trying to reason with moral issues. I felt myself wanting to please humanity in the name of love. With this realization it made me even more concerned for those around me.

With this concern comes the drive for me to read and study more of what God has to say about all of this. Again pray for each other.

- Warrior for Christ

Help Meet or Pity Party?

From the beginning of time God has called us to be a helper for the men in our lives. More specifically our husbands. In Genesis God knew that Adam could not be alone and so he formed Eve from Adam's rib. Bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh, literally. Sometimes we think that submission to our husbands is of a past time, but it honestly is an act that has been watered down and ruined. In its pure form, it honestly shows what being a "helper" is all about. If you were to look in the Strong's concordance you would find that a "help meet" in the King James Version means to surround, protect, or aid. There is another word that pops up... succor which is a British term for relief or bring aid. Basically rescue.

God wasn't asking Eve to pick up after Adam or even take commands from him like a servant. He was giving Eve the responsibility of aiding him in the garden. They were to care for and cultivate the land, while enjoying God's company. Talk about an ultimate equality and living as a perfect team. When we, as women, want to figure out the best way to make our homes a safe and inviting place, we need to get back to the basics. We need to figure out what God originally designed us for.

I have read the books about this topic and I have heard bits and pieces from other women what they think is the ideal situation for them personally. For me, I have come to find that in order to really live for God I have to understand what He created me for. I also want to share with you what I have found so that you can take it and see how you can develop your home life.

I am a new wife. I have no children but a wealth of family and friends. In my short time as a spouse I have come to find that in order to really enjoy this aspect of life, I have to untie my selfish motives and release them into the darkness. In its place I need to embrace selfless love. This is really hard for me to really make a life style. Those moments when Chris is out helping kids with baseball or practicing with his band, I get really lonely. He spends hours upon hours helping others. I will go into these little rants and self pity parties with myself while he is away. It really doesn't end well and honestly, just isn't productive. But I have done it.

Lately I have been trying to get over these feelings of self importance. I often get caught up in my own thoughts and feelings, placing them in what I claim as reality. In actuality, those feelings are made up by yours truly. Reality is far less complicated and stressful. When I start to think about how I can HELP or get myself involved in others' lives, I start to forget that I was even alone. It has taken me a LONG time to get to this place. I am still learning how to cultivate it so don't even think that I have arrived. There is never an arrival.

God calls us to be more like Him and in order to do that we need to look at His life. What I have seen in reading the gospels, so far, is that He is completely selfless. In the midst of experiencing the cruelest death and baring ALL OF OUR SINS, He prayed for His disciples' well being. Seriously think about that. Not once did he feel sorry for Himself or compare Himself with how the disciples were dozing off. He just did what He had to do.

So how can I help my husband in this life? I can stop complaining about not having enough time to spend with him. I can quit feeling clingy... I hate that feeling actually but somehow it just happens. I can provide meals for him when he gets home. I can keep the home clean and make sure that he has fresh t-shirts. I can have an attitude of encouragement and be there any time that he wants to discuss issues or accomplishments. Pretty much be like a cheerleader without the cheese.

Ya, I have asked myself why I haven't been given millions of responsbilities involving TONS of time. Sometimes we think that being majorly productive is where its at. But as it has been addressed, my life is not for itself but for a team. We need to take the time to compare ourselves only to what God designed and not what others claim is the best way to live. I wanted to share this with you in hopes that you will join me in this journey. Giving of ourselves is hard as sinful human beings, but I have found that letting God exercise those "selfless muscles" in my mind I actually feel lighter. Happier. Free and well in the midst of the Good News.

I have decided that I am not going to live a typical life. I have to remind myself every day of this. Trust me, those pity parties like to sneak in real good. Pray for each other. Pray that we might be the best warriors for Christ. You would be surprised what He will call you to do. You will be amazed at what a woman can do. We take on a whole other boat load of responsibilities.

He Became That Snake, So That We Could Be Clean

In my weakness I think that I am strong. Barely capable of accomplishing I think that I can survive this life. My heart is on reserve and my  intensions are defensive. All the power that I have seems strangely of another source but I cannot reason with it. I have no respect for the Giver of life. My enemies have me tangled even though I think I have the upper hand. 


Here is a perspective that ran its course for a while in my mind. I knew that God existed but I still claimed to do things on my own. I let worry run my life, avoidance smooth out my troubles, and anger protect my defenses. My feelings would reason with my mind, telling it that this is just how it is. This is my personality, there is no other way. It seemed normal. Natural really.

Maybe it is just the sin problem that gets us so wrapped up in ourselves. What is sin really? In a few words it is a "separation from God". We like to call sin the things we do wrong or what brings us woe. But in actuality it is JUST the ACT of taking ourselves AWAY from our Maker. Simple, but can take us in a crazy downward spiral. I want to introduce you to a new path. A direction that leads us back to God. Our Counselor, Solid Rock, Defense, Provider, and ultimately our Creator.


It is not till God comes along and pricks my soul, that He tells me I have it all wrong. What He does differently than anyone else is provide me with a solution. A solution that actually seems simple but at the same time feels unbelievable. The feeling of unbelievable is not what my mind has reasoned. It is doubt grabbing me single handedly.

God gives me hope after the discovery that I am the weakest of all. Forgetting the old way and taking on the NEW is so hard to do for this sinful heart. Comparing my ways with others and getting wrapped up in how I can save myself is consuming. It is a hard habit to break alone. I have a substitute and One who knows how to clean my heart. He can strip it clean to the bare bones. All that remains is room for Him to keep company and set His ways. 

We think that we have to clean up shop before we can have a real conversation with God. That kind of conversation where we can ask for guidance or just talk with Him like He has been our friend for a long time. Do we treat God like He will be like our human relations? Do we think that He will fail us or that He will not like what He has to find? Speaking for myself, I need to understand that God knew me before I even thought of Him. He knew my condition and in actuality.... He is the one that got me to think of Him in the FIRST PLACE!!!!  As a vessel for His kingdom I need to realize that with Him inside of me I can be what He wants me to be. I can live a full life set on fire! So can you!


He sets fire to the once dead talents and drives them to selfless abandon. I cannot fathom all that He has in store or how He can make me completely resolved in His likeness. In my weakness He can shine like the dawn and show the world that He is good and perfect. He has the way to perfect salvation. Each day I have to remind myself of the One who owns my heart. I forget, remember?

How can I call God severe when He has become one of us in order to hang on a tree? It was a cruel and humble death to have to hang where we should have hung. He became a representative of sin, like the snake in the wilderness, so that we may look up and be healed. We have been redeemed and who are we to neglect the gift? Who are we to say we have a right to be in the condition we are in?


I want there to be a common ground between us (specifically women) before I get into discussing more about how we can be shining lights for God's kingdom. I want to remind you (and myself) that the harmful life that we may have developed for ourselves doesn't really have to stay that way. With God in complete control we can get the ball rolling in fulfilling His call.

Do you wish that you had more moments of energy? Do you want to be able to fulfill an idea and have it produce abundant spiritual fruit? Are there moments when you wish you were more or had more to offer your family or friends? I ask myself these questions and am slowly discovering that with God, there is a place we can go. There is a way that we can be great warriors for Christ. We don't have much time left here on earth. We need to do what we can. Just take a moment to consider what Jesus has done for you and then realize that there is so much more than He can do through you. That is if you haven't already discovered this. If so, keep moving forward!

Women: You Know We Have Influence

I know that God is the ultimate power. I don't need to give all the reasons for I know that He can explain Himself quite eloquently, but He has told us that when we speak of Him it is more effective in reaching humanity. He will put Himself aside just to reach us, to show that He has the greatest love of all. He will wait thousands of years just to prove His love. When we finally are able to be with Him on that glorious day it will be the beginning of discovering all His glory, power, and love. We won't ever want to go back to way things used to be.

Ok. So with that being said I have to say that when a person has to prove themselves, there is usually an opposition. With God, His opposition is the devil. From before the beginning of human history the devil had this thought growing real strong in his mind that he for some reason should be sitting where Jesus sits. He feels he should be lord over the earth. He won other angels to his side and after going in too deep to turn back God had to cast him out of His presence. He is now here on earth prowling about seeing who he can deceive and keep away from the ultimate Truth. He knows that his time is short. So why does God have to wait so long to prove His point?

I know that I am a doubter. I feel like Thomas, who had to touch the scars in Jesus' hands AND side. I am visual and so its easy to get swept up in forgetting that God is around. At this point I cannot stress enough about how much we need to focus on God no matter how doubtful we may feel or how distracted we may be. Each little moment in time that we acknowledge Him is another strong moment for Him to present Himself a million times over! The devil knows this... so he will throw little thoughts out like "you rarely think about God. You must not really be that into Him, so why bother?" or "you can't really expect God to want you back or to want to talk after you neglected him for so long". Ya... its really like that isn't it?

We need to be aware of the battle going on around us. We need to aware of the opponent BUT focus our attention on Christ and what He has to offer. We have to realize that, yes, we are nothing... but that in Christ we can go before God the Father with our petitions. What are our petitions? Well they vary. Sometimes its requesting strength to face ourselves. Other moments its needing to pray on behalf of another that can't or doesn't know they can. Then we remember praising God for He has richly blessed us. Not with what the world counts as success but more. Spending time with God is more about God than us really.

Ya we come to Him in selfishness, but He still wants us. He teaches us how to put ourselves aside and look to what He can do. I mean, look at Moses. God told him that He wanted him to lead Israel out of Egypt and what did Moses say? What we would probably have said, "I can't speak well enough." And we have the odacity to tell God we are unable when He bothered to give us instruction. Hmmm...

I have this desire. After putting myself aside I have discovered that it is crucial as women that we need to be God centered. We can trip people up BIG TIME. Our minds work like machines and we analyze just about everything. We measure people up, get what we want through subtle little ways, let our emotions get OUT OF CONTROL, consume ourselves with gossip, try multitasking likes its the rage (without taking time to rest), influence men with our bodies and manners, and well you get my drift. 

As they say in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, "The men may be the head, but we are the neck. We can turn the head any way that we want". Isn't that the truth? 

Which side of this battle do you want to be on? Who do you want to give your life for? Where do you want your life to matter? What purpose do you want for your life? I want to challenge you, as a woman, to evaluate your life and see where you want to be. In routine, exercise, diet, and spiritual endeavors we all need to ask ourselves who we are supporting. 

I think that in the future I am going to talk more on this issue. I can only speak for women because I am a woman, but I know that men also should evaluate their lives. God put a little thought in my head this morning and I think I am going to run with it.

Proverbs 31

Boundaries On The Infinite

We place ourselves in these barriers. And as I have mentioned before we place God in this pitiful area of prediction and boundaries. The fears we possess are really full of air. Like whisps in the wind they are faulty and flimsy. Why we don't realize this I don't know. Dramatic and seemingly powerful they paralyze us into accomplishing little. If we get too far into our sin (a.k.a. pride) we will be as the chief priests, thinking we can fool Christ. 

"Then the chief priests, the scribes, and the elders of the people assembled at the palace of the high priest, who was called Caiaphas, and plotted to take Jesus by trickery and kill Him" -Matthew 26:3-4

Right before this Jesus predicted His death even. Why would they need to plot His capture? God had just spoken about revival, preparation, and commitment. A straight talk about the kingdom and this is what we do? The pain He must have felt BEFORE the cross. The desperation to reach even these evil souls! What can I do to even reach the innocent? 

I am moved, changed, and scared to death. Not that I am going to stop moving or clam up in fear. I am that kind of scared that thrills the soul. Like making a drop on a roller coaster when your stomach ends up in your throat and you scream just for the enjoyment of flight!  I sense the possibilities for making a difference. Since Christ has died for me and has taken the time to leave me with instructions  and a Counselor, I have a calling. I am starting small. Here even. 

Oh the struggle to overcome ourselves. That is really the only thing that gets in the way. Our powerful minds can go any direction. Which way is yours going to go? We won't get through the spiritual battle without a fight, but we can be reassured. Before Christ was even taken a woman (looked down upon by society) annointed Him for burial. This was His encouragement. This was a great gift of thanks and adoration. Simple and humble. While other pious souls mocked. What possibilities God has for us, is beyond us. 

Let Him lead. Let Him undo you and make you much more. Put those boundaries aside. 

Midnight Cry Preparation

It is a struggle to develop a deep relationship with God for me. It honesty discourages and pulls on my inner pulse. Deep right? My soul aches to have him so close but I have almost felt too disconnected with myself that I can't even imagine a life of walking daily, beside Him. I decided a while ago that I was at least gong to be honest with Him. I knew my lack. I couldn't fool myself into thinking that I was a thriving Christian. Ya, I can smile a lot and go to church but what is that if my heart is dead?

I narrowed down what I had for a relationship with the divinity. Only seemed fair to put a bird eye view. I admired His care for me and found myself praising him quite easily. But that is where I left it. Just praise and thanksgiving. Another point I noted is that I had great respect for God. His Sabbath I take seriously and his laws I also find are wise and logical. But while refraining from profanity I found myself hateful and cold. Lots of anger resided in this mind of mine. I think when we try to avoid the reality of hatred we stay pretty shallow in most relationships. When we aren't shallow we dig real deep with a metaphorical knife in those we love. Or at least trust. Love is probably not honest. 

Ok so we can see the glitch in my spiritual system. I was barely floating in life. More recently I started to contemplate what it was that I was actually missing. I was  at the point in my life where I noticed God working tremendously, but I still couldn't seem to figure out what was REALLY missing. I started to wonder if I was making up the idea of actually missing something. 

It came upon me suddenly in the shower the other morning. This new thought. Putting a shout out for reading our bibles, I wouldn't have thought of this revelation if it wasn't for at least opening the book. That's how powerful it is. I read about the 10 virgins. I also read a background commentary which gives historical information. When I connected why Jesus used virgins in a parable, I was blown away. They all were waiting for the bridegroom (Jesus). They all had lamps (Bibles). They were all obviously virgins (pure in truth and love for God). 

What was wrong here? Ya they all slept while waiting. But the issue here is the lack of oil (Holy Spirit)! This is what separates. I thought about this for a second and then realized..... I am the foolish virgin without the oil! I respect God the Father and His truth. I am thankful for God the Son and feel the relief of his forgiveness. I forgot the Holy Spirit. Flat out ignored imagining a relationship with Him. I used to try to picture throne rooms but it seemed so big. I tried thinking of Jesus standing right next to me. My literal mind couldn't get passed the idea that He is now a human up in Heaven. 

The Holy Spirit then at that time seemed forgotten and waiting for me. That quiet friend you depend on but neglect to thank. Gentle and small. Almost like a wall flower. The way I feel sometimes. I suddenly could relate. At the same time I knew He wasn't just small. He is moving and influential. He compels hearts to feel good things. The way it should be. He knows how to hold back in patience when we ignore his prodding. Great strength so often overlooked. That oil in my lamp was slowly being discovered. 

I still have a long way to go and I still have to get in a routine with worship, but I found a new friend. Well we used to be good friends. Now I am back after a jaunt away thinking I could be honest without Him. I am older and He is faithful. I am ashamed but He is craving a moment with me. This is what fills us to over flowing. This is what God describes as joy. The Spirit is our Comforter and joy. 

Maybe for you seeing the Spirit would be a different experience. In showing us His character He shows us the signature He has placed in our personalities. It is strange how what the world sees as a weakness God possesses and places in us. Embracing our place in life will help to let His light shine!

"So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you...... If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!" - Luke 11:9,13

Let us be ready for that day of His coming! That midnight cry!