Friday, June 13, 2014

Creative or Not, Here It is

I know it has been a while here. A lot of things going on that I am waiting to talk about here. For now I just want to talk about other topics. My heart has been really thinking about creativity lately. Today I asked myself what it was that made me think I was creative. I don't scrapbook or paint with little brushes. Sometimes I honestly play things too safe. You should have seen me at Home Depot the other day. I was struggling. Alone. I had a choice to make on wall paint. I would grab a color confidently and then would question and doubt. I felt myself saying it was too gray, too green, too boring, too crazy. I wanted to throw my hands up.

Strangely being married I have had more opportunities for experiencing independence and self preservation than I thought I would. Seriously, choosing wall paint alone is like man vs. wild. It's painful. I really wanted someone to reassure me, that it was right. I didn't want to make a mistake and have to add my gallon to the shelf of oops paint. When I finally just went with my gut and without anyone else's opinions it all worked out. The room is soothing and everyone likes the color choice. 

This got me thinking, don't creatives like the freedom to fly in possibilities? Why am I all caught up in fear, as if I think I have any say in imagination? I mean it isn't like the task I had was novel. What would I do with a blank slate? Would I squeal in delight? I kinda doubt it.

I admire creative people I have found. I like watching them work and it somehow releases my uptight heart. Like it's been given permission to breathe deep and smell the summer afresh. The air of blossoms, bursting. What creatives have to offer is colorful, bright, refreshing, alive, and joyful. At least those are the creatives I enjoy. 

If I could feel comfortable in my own skin maybe I would realize that I, too, am creative. I know what looks pretty but do I think that I am beautiful? It's all a psychological science. This confidence and self esteem deal has got me befuddled. I am literal. How does that make me creative? Why do I want to be creative? What's so wrong with the other way of life? What is that other way? I think that in the end all creatives want to be released from or to something. I ache to be released from my closed minded ness , self pity, fears, and perfectionism. 

Some thrive on mistakes. May I at east come to terms with them. "Perfect love casts out fear". Those are the words I must embrace. God is showing me His creative side so that I in turn have a chance to reveal what he has given me. Taking chances and just going with your gut instincts, even if it happens at Home Depot, is a big deal. 

One more thought. Sometimes we want to be someone else's creative. It is taking me a while to discover that my natural creative mediums have about the same punch in life. It takes a while to realize the grass is just as great on this side.  Go create, love, and most definitely laugh. 

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