Thursday, February 20, 2014

Midnight Cry Preparation

It is a struggle to develop a deep relationship with God for me. It honesty discourages and pulls on my inner pulse. Deep right? My soul aches to have him so close but I have almost felt too disconnected with myself that I can't even imagine a life of walking daily, beside Him. I decided a while ago that I was at least gong to be honest with Him. I knew my lack. I couldn't fool myself into thinking that I was a thriving Christian. Ya, I can smile a lot and go to church but what is that if my heart is dead?

I narrowed down what I had for a relationship with the divinity. Only seemed fair to put a bird eye view. I admired His care for me and found myself praising him quite easily. But that is where I left it. Just praise and thanksgiving. Another point I noted is that I had great respect for God. His Sabbath I take seriously and his laws I also find are wise and logical. But while refraining from profanity I found myself hateful and cold. Lots of anger resided in this mind of mine. I think when we try to avoid the reality of hatred we stay pretty shallow in most relationships. When we aren't shallow we dig real deep with a metaphorical knife in those we love. Or at least trust. Love is probably not honest. 

Ok so we can see the glitch in my spiritual system. I was barely floating in life. More recently I started to contemplate what it was that I was actually missing. I was  at the point in my life where I noticed God working tremendously, but I still couldn't seem to figure out what was REALLY missing. I started to wonder if I was making up the idea of actually missing something. 

It came upon me suddenly in the shower the other morning. This new thought. Putting a shout out for reading our bibles, I wouldn't have thought of this revelation if it wasn't for at least opening the book. That's how powerful it is. I read about the 10 virgins. I also read a background commentary which gives historical information. When I connected why Jesus used virgins in a parable, I was blown away. They all were waiting for the bridegroom (Jesus). They all had lamps (Bibles). They were all obviously virgins (pure in truth and love for God). 

What was wrong here? Ya they all slept while waiting. But the issue here is the lack of oil (Holy Spirit)! This is what separates. I thought about this for a second and then realized..... I am the foolish virgin without the oil! I respect God the Father and His truth. I am thankful for God the Son and feel the relief of his forgiveness. I forgot the Holy Spirit. Flat out ignored imagining a relationship with Him. I used to try to picture throne rooms but it seemed so big. I tried thinking of Jesus standing right next to me. My literal mind couldn't get passed the idea that He is now a human up in Heaven. 

The Holy Spirit then at that time seemed forgotten and waiting for me. That quiet friend you depend on but neglect to thank. Gentle and small. Almost like a wall flower. The way I feel sometimes. I suddenly could relate. At the same time I knew He wasn't just small. He is moving and influential. He compels hearts to feel good things. The way it should be. He knows how to hold back in patience when we ignore his prodding. Great strength so often overlooked. That oil in my lamp was slowly being discovered. 

I still have a long way to go and I still have to get in a routine with worship, but I found a new friend. Well we used to be good friends. Now I am back after a jaunt away thinking I could be honest without Him. I am older and He is faithful. I am ashamed but He is craving a moment with me. This is what fills us to over flowing. This is what God describes as joy. The Spirit is our Comforter and joy. 

Maybe for you seeing the Spirit would be a different experience. In showing us His character He shows us the signature He has placed in our personalities. It is strange how what the world sees as a weakness God possesses and places in us. Embracing our place in life will help to let His light shine!

"So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you...... If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!" - Luke 11:9,13

Let us be ready for that day of His coming! That midnight cry!

1 comment:

Mark Gagnon said...

Thank you Krystal for your very honest and heartfelt words. Made me think of an old Keith Green song...the lyrics go like this....
"My eyes are dry, my faith is cold
My heart is hard, my prayers are old
But I know what I aught to be,
Alive to you, and dead to me..
O what can be done,
For this old heart of mine,
Soften it up, with oil and wine,
The oil is You, your Spirit of Love,
Please wash me anew, in the wine of Your blood."

You are a growing Christian my friend, and growth is a beautiful thing....Blessings, Pastor Mark