Friday, January 16, 2015

I Have To Wait?

I have been thinking about purpose for a while now. I guess the older you get the more you do it. Either that or we always do it just in different ways. At this point in my journey I have options. God has blessed me with the opportunity to sit back, reflect, and figure out what He wants me to do with my life. There is no pressure and with that comes the limitless amount of choices. Narrowing down what I am supposed to do for Him has not been particularly easy. Here are some thoughts I have had while waiting for the right answers:

Feelng satisfied with where I am at has greatly impacted my life. For the past few months I have been at home being a "house wife." At first I felt guilty for being home, planning my own hours, and not having to answer to anyone. For the first two weeks I would be in the chair falling asleep at 8 in the evening because I had spent all day moving, not wanting to stop my duties. What Chris ended up explaining to me was that it may seem like I am getting the better part of the deal, but in reality a burden is lifted for him as well. He does not have to worry about paying bills at work or mailing out that package. In the evenings and on the weekends I am not running around like a chicken with her head cut off trying to get everything done. We  can relax together in the evening and on Sundays. After spenting all this time in this scenerio I have learned to "chillax" and spend time for what it is, not what it could be. It does take some sacrifice not working, but the pay off for the present moment is worth it. It is all that we have.

The more that I was satisifed with my present condition, the more I could sense when I was ready for new things. After spending several months learning this new lifestyle I began to see the benefits of my potential. No longer was I living for an expectation, I was deciding what was good for my life. It made me stop, breathe, and reflect on what God wanted me to do next. I felt a nudge for a new direction. I learned the power of living life instead of being ruled by it. I started to feel a sense of purpose while searching for it.

At this point in time I feel the desire to have a part time job somewhere. I feel that it is good to have a little structure developed by outside demands (this can also include raising children), other than caring for my husband. I also found that after I had become settled in our new home, I was starting to fill the empty hours with no brainer activities. I would get everything done and then feel a "what then" experience. So now I am waiting for what God has in store. I am presented with options and am thankful for what God has done so far.

Waiting can be painful, but only to those who are in a rush. For so long I rushed through life. I was constantly wishing for or dreading the next thing. Yes, for some reason dreading made me rush and be anxious. You know, hurry up and get this next awful thing over with so I can breathe, scenerio. Now that my soul feels more still I can focus on developing my life around what God has planned. I find it easier to see His power when I feel weak, feel His presence when I fear, and understand His plans when I am not sure what to do. It makes me stop to think instead of react. When I think, it allows me time to figure out if how I am feeling is accurate. It saves me a LOAD of troubles. We are all happier because of it.

So while waiting, I would suggest taking that TIME to enjoy it. Like I said earlier, it is all we have in existence. We can get so focused on the future, that we forget to notice the moments God is speaking to us right here, right now. Even if it means waiting for those things He is telling us to evolve. Take it from the best worrier. If I can get to this point, so can you. It is like a permanent vacation for your soul. Embrace the wait.

You keep him in perfect PEACE whose mind is STAYED on You, because he trusts in You. - Isaiah 26:3

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