Embracing His Righteousness

 Embracing what we are. I am probably not the first to retaliate. Defining who we want to be. I used to think that I was doomed for the weaknesses inside i thougt I wouldn't be able to take on a new way of thinking that would ultimately be positive. I am at a point in my life where I have made decisions to prevent certain ways of thinking and have adapt new ones. The determination showed me my strength. The fears revealed where I could change. I still want to curl up into a ball sometimes but the moments are shorter and I remember the words of motivation much sooner. Positive thinking doesn't come natural to the pessimist. That is my downfall. I have to bite the bullet and not just hope it all works, I have to know it works. 

It is strange. It is the moment you notice you are in deep that you realize change needs to occur. The hopeless death of dreams I thought I needed had to become some other focus. I embraced God like an infant. He was silent but in his precense I knew I was covered. He had helped me in small ways before so I knew he would pull through now. I was going to be His child and reveal His glory. Him I meditated on and talked to all day. Instead of releasing my fears and feelings publicly I would release them to Him. Instead of counting to 100 or slipping a pill, I pressed my urgency toward God. 

I knew He could heal my broken soul and would show me how to love who I was again. I wanted to be at peace vocally and in my demeanor. I found myself reaching more and more for His critique rather than that of the world around me. I found stability and strength like I had never seen. Circumstances were handed to me with His love written clearly within. I was where He wanted me to be. 

Today I have new questions and challenges. I still know His care and will reach Him today. In trouble we find His calm and solitude. in fear we know who to turn to. So in knowing these fears I see what I am. In knowing God and what He can do, I am one step closer to purpose and happiness in what I am. I am a child of the King. That is where I will define Myself here on out. We can only embrace ourselves when clothed in His righteousness. 

His Kingdom: Misunderstood

One thing that has stood out for me in the life of Jesus is a concept he talked about often: the kingdom of Heaven. Throughout the gospel he mentions it and everyone was expecting an earthly kingdom to take over Roman rule. Even His disciples would get all riled up about helping to establish this type of power.

Today I think we misunderstand it too. We think of the kingdom as far away, in the future, and almost in attainable. When the children of Israel were in the wilderness they were surrounded by God's glory at their core. He came in a cloud by day and a pillar by night. He rested over the mountain or over the temple. He spoke like thunder and shook the earth with His power. He met Abraham at his tent to tell him of his soon son Isaac. His chariot of angels and fire took Elijah to the Heavens as Elisha was the only witness. He walked with Enoch and showed His back to Moses for the glory of His face would have killed him. He came as a baby into the womb of a young girl. Lived in a rough town and worked as a carpenter with Joseph. He gathered 12 men and gained a crowd. He debated with closed minded men and healed the hopeless. He forgave the weak and blessed the cursed. God has been pretty much everywhere in our human history. 

And we want to say "I can't wait for Jesus to come again" or "where is God?"  Don't get me wrong, it's good to want Him to come again but if that is all you are going to focus on you might miss out on what is right in front of you. He said that when you visit those that are imprisoned you are visiting Him. Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and listen, you do those things to God. 

When God said the kingdom of Heaven was at hand, He was talking about His presence WITH them. He meant the effect His glory would have RIGHT THEN. When He told His disciples that they would see His kingdom before their death it was true. His glory came to accomplish. In doing so 3 of His disciples had the privilege to see a strong portion of God's glory on a mountain. Jesus' face shown, His robe was so white that no other white could compare. Elijah and Moses met with Him, two men transported to Heaven previously. They consoled Him before His death. All of this within God's cloud brought to earth once again. 

It's funny though. As God's glory shown down on the earth the disciples were asleep. Seriously, did they not feel the cloud close in or see the bright light behind their eyelids? I am amazed but not surprised. We are like that. We are asleep when God gives us an opportunity to let Him shine. We are bickering when people are starving for the Kingdom. We just don't get how close His kingdom is. When he finally gets rid of all of this sin we better get it. 

God's Kingdom is at hand. Now.

Weeping Prophets & Our Closed-mindedness

It is interesting how we put God in a capsule. So many people claim they worship the same God, yet they all have a different interpretation of what He does, wants, and and will do. Like sending Jesus here... so many people believe in God the Father, but they don't believe in the One He sent. All of His major and minor prophets prepared the way for Jesus, the Messiah. But his people claimed a different type of Messiah and even today we put God in a box, claiming his promises but denying his reprimands. Like little rebels we wander around aimlessly.

This morning I decided to read Jeremiah. At first I read the intro in my study Bible which explained that Jeremiah was a weeping prophet. I was like, "great, this is going to be depressing." I proceeded anyway, into  what God had to say to Jeremiah. I was strangely uplifted despite the overview. I saw where God gave Jeremiah a major task despite his age and apprehension. I saw where God said he would have to face the "faces" of the people, yet God would stand behind him no matter what. I saw where Jeremiah basically claimed he had an inability to speak, but God came back at him saying He would give him the words to say.

I have yet to see where the sadness prevails in this story of how God's people left Him for other forms of worship. I have yet to see where God pleads and still does not reach their ears. I have yet to see the judgement He places in this book. For today, I see the blessing that God gives to His people despite the many out there who deny His presence. We can be like Jeremiah, using the gifts God gave us before birth to fulfill His desires for the future.

I believe in Jesus Christ as the Messiah. I believe that He is God. I believe that I too have the ability to put God in a capsule, but that I have given Him permission to rip it apart and show me who He REALLY is. Predictable I am, God is not.

Substantial Riches

Posting a blog from my phone was something I never expected. I have changed a lot since I last wrote anything substantial but I guess everyone does over time. Here in my heart there is this growing bud of happiness and peace. It is a security provided only by God and he is the only one that can take it away. I can certainly remove it if I wish and sometimes it's easy to give it up for impatience and want.
I have been doing a lot of soul building. Searching our hearts just makes me feel overwhelmed so I have decided that I have to work with what I have, hence building. Acknowledging that I do have a heart is a big step. I have taken the lies that the devil has planted in myself and fought hard to be rid of them. God gives us the ability to determine the lies and it is surprising what we can discover!
Once I get past the negative concepts and reach possibilities I do the next best thing. Eat good food. Like spinach. I intoxicate myself with vitamins and minerals for a few days and then determine to eat whole foods, mostly raw. After that I go to the gym at least 4 days a week if I can and pump my heart and harden my muscles. Getting rid of unnecessary fat is essential. Lastly but not least I read the Word. I go to a study group to keep myself accountable. It has been hard to study and stay focused. It is actually the hardest task.
Here is where it takes time and patience. Here is where the true light comes in and makes your heart soft and pure. Here is where true knowledge expands and develops our people skills. This is where eating right and exercise come to true meaning.
I am no where near where I would like to be but I am encouraged to know that I am working on motivation. I have been il at ease for too long and without purpose. Maybe I am unmotivated in every other aspect of my life. But being motivated about God is where it's at. There is a reason for living. Before I was too depressed thinking about how I was so engulfed in myself. With God self is forgotten and his love bursts through my lack for a better reason.
I am truly blessed in this house. I am truly blessed with my husband. I am truly blessed to be called a child of a King. I am so rich it's ridiculous. 😊

Strength of the Water

In happiness, I fell in love with music. The touch was another sensory receptor on my skin, not just in my ears. The power it provided to write was intense, making each word flow and each visual thought pour with immensity. Looking back, I realize that I thought it was the only driving source of inspiration and energy. For the past few years I have not been able to write well, even with the hum of notes soothing or the beat of hard drums and electric guitar. I know now that one's heart must feel happiness to fully write with such passion and feeling. With love we can be the strongest people we ever were; and with that we flow, mingle, and engage in networks of knowledge. It is the fear disposed of, the energy to endure despite opinions, and the desire to reach new dimensions.

I still do not have all that happiness wrapped in a perfect little package of joy, but I am discovering the power of love and how much it REALLY IS forgiving. It lets go of the pain and yelling you remember.  In that place you realize that happiness is more than just feeling light and care free. It is a decision to look directly into your "enemy's" eye and say that you are blessed despite "their" efforts. I believe that the more that we fall into the care of God, the more we will be strong. Each time that I realize I am on the sad part of life the more I realize that I really should get out of my self pity and drink the water of eternal life. If the Samaritan woman could get it, why can't we?

So, now I listen to music while I write with a different twist. It is still like sugar to my ears, but there is more behind my desire to write. I want to remind, uplift, engage, and bring attention to you. Just you. Maybe what I do won't be what you were looking for, but in the end it will lead you to a direction you were planning to go.

Music. Such a fickle little friend.

grand is where God is

Maybe all of my best thoughts occur during running. I am completely confident when I go out in my worn out sneakers, with some headphones, and push myself out into the fresh air. The last couple of days I have been pretty much racing the rain clouds. Two days ago I worked myself hard. I felt like quitting, my chest hurt, my quads hurt, but there was this hill. At the end of my route. I usually walk up it, but that day I ran up it, trying to keep my pace. I did it and when I reached the top I noticed the sky.

It took me in immediately. The clouds were looming and blue-gray. I could almost feel the water droplets ready to burst down to the earth. It was quite heavy and pending. There in the open area I knew that I had completed my efforts in running and that here I needed to look at the sky and think about God. For some reason I could sense His presence there. Through out Christianity these days we seem to focus so much attention on how God is  a personal God. One who is like a friend or a brother. I for some reason have a real attraction to how BIG God is. Not only do I need that kind of God, I know that He is like that no matter what anyone out there thinks. Even if I wanted Him to be quiet, reserved, and small He still would be grand, luminous, and ready to give His opinion.

I knew that out there a storm could brew. I could feel the lightning stirring, but I wanted to breath in what I saw. I felt a moment of freedom and security. I have been reading Genesis and there in that very moment I felt the God of Genesis. I sensed the power and intelligence. I knew that if He made me and if He is the power and intelligence that I found, then He would not make me without reason. I believe that it is our own insecurities and selfishness that makes us not really live up to what we should be. In this thought I want to share that we must push ourselves passed the wanting to quit and the pain in our "chests". We will feel a million times better in the long run. Literally.

Happy Sabbath!

all you have is now: embrace

Anxiety is a drawback in my life. I dwell in it when I don't even realize it, my thoughts get carried away on tangents of doubts, regrets, supposed impending doom. I have tried everything in order to overcome my fears, but nothing seems to have solved my defeats. Then out of the blue God gave me something to ponder. I know the verses "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin"* and "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?"** I even believe that they are words of wisdom, but I never really knew the depths of what they meant.

About a week ago I somehow got on the conversation about being in Heaven for eternity. The idea of living forever always freaked me out. I would imagine my life not ending and it would make me very upset. Kind of weird to think that not dying would freak me out, but I guess I really thought about life with endings, like it gave me some sort of comfort. So I realized I needed to analyze why I was so bothered by this concept.

A few days later I came to this conclusion (that can definitely be fine tuned): I believe that the verses afore mentioned are meant to tell us that our lives and minds are meant to exist in the here and now. Only God can live in the future and past. We spend a lot of time regretting our past and fretting about the future that we end up being a sort of god, trying to maintain the likelihood of survival. I realized that I, too, am trying to play God's part in life. I believe that it is definitely true that God meets you in the present now. If I spend so much time in what is really not my time, I will miss out on a lot of good things. I will say that it has been hard to pray because of my fretting/regretting state of mind. This supports my thoughts about living in the present.

So, we must embrace the time we have (the present) and realize all the beauty around us. Just the other day I went running and on the side of the road there was this fog over an open area of grass. I stopped to consider it and thought it would be an awesome place to photograph people. Then as I kept walking, my face looking over my shoulder, I noticed red rays of sun coming through the trees and fog. It was AMAZING. It was like the fingers of God were coming out to reach my soul. It was rather warming for my insides. As far as freaking out about eternity I realized that it is not my place to think of the future in that way. In Heaven we are to live in the present where we can see God. I might as well start thinking that way now.

: )

* Matthew 6:27-29
** Matthew 6:24-26