Self reflection is a place I go frequently. Like a thorn in my side it pokes and prods till I come out with some analysis of my spirit. If I were to be productive with this portion of my life I would take the reflection and work for the better, but more often than not I beat myself up. Until my self esteem is pulp in my trembling hands.
A few days ago I was going through this moment with myself. I was cringing thinking about my behavior, becoming slightly depressed because I just could not get a handle on myself. I felt like I had ruined my reputation. Ya, I pretty much exaggerated my perspective to the point that I called myself outrageous and wanted to hide forever.
I was officially declaring myself a certain way. Limits. Hopelessness. No progression. A road that I was going, but not a way that God wanted me to go fortunately. After spending a day in personal anguish God was able to get through to my heart and speak simple words. Like a lightening bolt, I knew where I had gone wrong. It wasn't how I acted, it wasn't what I was concocting in my mind, it was the fact that I had not consulted my Savior before walking into my fears. I realized in that moment that I had not talked with God.
Humbled, I had courage again. I told myself then that I should have asked for His guidance. God made it quite plain to me that where I had failed, was before I even made a fool of myself. But what gives me greater hope is that when asking God for guidance, I don't need to figure out the logistics. All I have to do is depend upon Him. With my words, actions, reactions, and more. He knows where I am weakest.
The craziest thing is that when I let God guide me, His glory can shine through! When I completely submit my heart to Him, He is allowed to reach out to those in need. All my fears that I previously experienced only deterred my communion with Him. It only prevented me from working with and through Him to continue the work of bringing hearts to Him!
Last week I spoke about virtue and how it has a similar value to wisdom. Both are worth far more than rubies and if wisdom is not something that I can learn or gain on my own, would it be true that virtue is gained by similar pattern?
Here is where God speaks and puts us into place with wisdom:
Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge? Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you will answer Me. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements? Surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? To what were its foundations fastened?
God is making it clear that He is the one that knows wisdom. We have no idea.
But where can wisdom be found? And where is the place of understanding? Man does not know its value, nor is it found in the land of the living. The deep says, "IT is not in me"; and the sea says, "It is not with me." It cannot be purchased for gold, nor can silver be weighed for its price....
... God understands its way, and He knows its place. For He looks to the ends of the earth, and sees under the whole heavens, to establish a weight for the wind, and apportion the waters by measure. When He made a law for the rain, and a path for the thunderbolt, then He saw wisdom and declared it; He prepared it, indeed, He searched it out.
And to man He said, "Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom, and to depart from evil is understanding."
We cannot define wisdom. We cannot determine where understanding falls. In order to understand we need to fear the Lord. What does this mean to me? Yes, I must depend upon Him. I must ask for guidance so that I can "depart from evil." What does it mean to "depart from evil?"
You know what it's like to make a complete fool of yourself. You know what it is like to get angry. You know what it is like to be sinful. We all know what it is like to depart from God, so He should be our dependence in departing in the opposite direction. Away from evil.
*Bolded Text: Job 28 & 38*
**pictures taken in Austin, TX**
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