Thursday, May 28, 2015

Finding the Calm. In the Present.

Do you find it hard to let your mind just rest? I do. During the last few weeks I have felt inspired to find the time to put my spirit into a slower pace and really engulf my life in the present. In all my human efforts, I still find that I uncover a whole new package of worry and stress. 

I have been noticing how the stress of the last few years has really taken a toll on my body. I feel old, ragged, and tired. Ya, I still look 25 when really I am knee deep at 31. I didn't want to see this. I did not want to notice that my hair shows signs of weakness or how the area around my eyes seems all puffy and dark. I have become resentful and angry about how amazing I feel inside, yet my body seems to have taken the brunt of my battle. Before you get all ticked off at me for having a pity party on the internet and want to slap me on the face for having wacky expectations on my outward appearance, hear me out.

I am fully aware of my outrageous thinking. There are countless stories on the webs that talk about women becoming content with their bodies or OK with the fact that they do not fit media's representation. I get all that. I feel that. Like a good girl I do. What actually hit me from one of these many articles and videos, was one woman's story. Actually it wasn't the whole story. It was just one thing she said about how she felt after taking action to really get her body in shape. She was at the peak of health and strength, but STILL felt like her body was not enough. Her heart still had this expectation of what her body should be and she did not attain what she was looking for.

What I have been realizing is that there is always going to be something to stress over if I really want to spend my time there. Here I am at the peak of my mental health and I still find something to stress over. I have no reason to stress, because God has really been giving me the tools to handle hard times. So why get all crazy and decide to stress out about my outward appearance? Why not sit down and just enjoy life despite the imperfections that will ALWAYS present themselves?

So about that rest. Is that really attainable? Can I really come to terms with my body, state of mind, or life in general? Can God really put me in a place of complete solitude and tranquility? Will my mind just let my neck muscles loosen up and my body feel weightless? Despite being in a sinful world, there is a place that we can go to feel what Heaven has to offer. That "perfection" that we have been longing for.

This week I went for a walk to the park down the street. People were around in the park interacting with one another. There I was avoiding looking at my phone and trying to find a place to sit down and just be there. I overheard conversations that brought up my own personal sore spots. The sounds of the birds brought me back into the moment and I sat down at a picnic bench and just waited. I wasn't sure what I was waiting for other than what God might want to show me.

I sat there and just examined the trees and how the slight breeze gently moved the branches, I felt really there. It actually made me think of my childhood and how living in the moment was all I had. There were no worries to bog my brain or threats to ignite my adrenaline. I became thankful for that time in my life where, despite the terrible things still existing, I was engulfed in what I saw around me and what was created by it in my thoughts.

What I believe God was showing me is that worry and stress will  always just take me away from truly living. If I want to experience the calm that He has provided, I really do need to be here. NOT back there in some regret or panicking at what could happen in the future. He just wants me to LIVE. Forget that I have bags under my eyes. Ignore that the devil is poking at a past weakness. Or walk into a room full of senses versus hypothetical strategies.

So, lets meet in the present together and find out what REALLY is worth living.

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