all you have is now: embrace

Anxiety is a drawback in my life. I dwell in it when I don't even realize it, my thoughts get carried away on tangents of doubts, regrets, supposed impending doom. I have tried everything in order to overcome my fears, but nothing seems to have solved my defeats. Then out of the blue God gave me something to ponder. I know the verses "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin"* and "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?"** I even believe that they are words of wisdom, but I never really knew the depths of what they meant.

About a week ago I somehow got on the conversation about being in Heaven for eternity. The idea of living forever always freaked me out. I would imagine my life not ending and it would make me very upset. Kind of weird to think that not dying would freak me out, but I guess I really thought about life with endings, like it gave me some sort of comfort. So I realized I needed to analyze why I was so bothered by this concept.

A few days later I came to this conclusion (that can definitely be fine tuned): I believe that the verses afore mentioned are meant to tell us that our lives and minds are meant to exist in the here and now. Only God can live in the future and past. We spend a lot of time regretting our past and fretting about the future that we end up being a sort of god, trying to maintain the likelihood of survival. I realized that I, too, am trying to play God's part in life. I believe that it is definitely true that God meets you in the present now. If I spend so much time in what is really not my time, I will miss out on a lot of good things. I will say that it has been hard to pray because of my fretting/regretting state of mind. This supports my thoughts about living in the present.

So, we must embrace the time we have (the present) and realize all the beauty around us. Just the other day I went running and on the side of the road there was this fog over an open area of grass. I stopped to consider it and thought it would be an awesome place to photograph people. Then as I kept walking, my face looking over my shoulder, I noticed red rays of sun coming through the trees and fog. It was AMAZING. It was like the fingers of God were coming out to reach my soul. It was rather warming for my insides. As far as freaking out about eternity I realized that it is not my place to think of the future in that way. In Heaven we are to live in the present where we can see God. I might as well start thinking that way now.

: )

* Matthew 6:27-29
** Matthew 6:24-26

delicate diamonds

I decided that I needed to take some time to put my words to use. Instead of posting images right and left, I have left this tiny space in the world to place my discoveries. Here you will see a part of the person I want to be, have been, and am. Simple is my presentation and delicate are the thoughts that are produced here. With delicacy I hope to show strength, beauty, and honesty. It will come from what you might not expect. When a character is perfected there is much vulnerability, hence the delicacy, with lots of rough edges to be exposed. So at first there might be ugliness and fears. Embrace your character and then let it fly. Maybe a piece of my insight will help to ignite.