Purple Love

No longer fresh and new

You are deeper than flesh pink

The sorrow in loss has gotten you 

Tied in a tither and blue

But you still burn with fiery red

At the core of your soul

Blending toil with bliss

Where can we find this?

My mind grips strength

Eye sight gone and senses lifted

Stubborn iron in my side

You burned my heart farther

Embraced my pains

And made them into jewels

Stood my feet on ground

Let them dance with you

I have a mark to portray

They say you are a treasure

Oh purple love 

you've found a home

His Perfect Love - My Destiny

It truly is amazing how God works in our lives. The more I try and focus on the blessings and a positive outlook on life, the more I realize how uncliche I can think about God's love.  Hearing wishful thinking from others while going through painful circumstances can sometimes just get right under our skin. We put God in a wishful sort of box, sometimes, when we aren't sure how He can really work in a person's desperate situation.

I want to clarify this confusion. God is not wishful thinking, he is true hope. A destination that can be reached and not dreamt about. He can give us visual cues to His passion for us. We can physically see His leading and determination to get us Home. In saying this I want to invite you to read the rest of my story. If you stop here at the end of this paragraph let me leave you with this... God gave you a brain and a talent to use. Don't let the devil and our sinful natures think we are any less.
______________________________________________________

The small trials that I have experienced have for a long time really nagged on my personality, character, and thought processes. Like a weight dagging behind you from a chain connected to both legs. Others would tell me that the trials weren't that big and that it would be better on the flip side, but I just couldn't get myself to wrap my mind around these metaphors. I just felt downright physically drained. When the negativity starts to affect you physically, abstract thoughts just don't quite measure up or matter.

Well, after being fully pushed to the brink of my negative reality, I realized I needed to make a change. No one else could tell me to do it. No one else would have been able to give me the drive to wake up and *BAM* have a plan. I gave myself a physical plan for my mind. I determined to not only keep my thoughts to myself and only share important aspects with those that I knew would help me, I decided that I was going to have to say no to all the wrong thoughts. I had to physically tell myself, in my mind, "no these are wrong thoughts." Making yourself aware of the automatic urge to be negative is very eye opening and complex. It is a hard step to discover but once that moment is reached, the rest feels more conquerable.

Once I established this exercise I slowly began to have a small discovery. The more I became less negative in my own head, the more I saw beautiful things. Simple moments. Like seeing the rays of sun through the trees in the EARLY, baggy eyes of morning or hearing family laughing together about some witty banter. I began taking photographs of the positive things I experienced as much as I could. I took walks A LOT also. More and more I found these times, and less and less did I worry about what people thought of me or what I could have done wrong.

Don't get me wrong, once in a while I have moments of "doom and gloom" but they are fewer, farther between, and not as strong and over powering. This can be a discouragement sometimes, but when we realize that the progress is moving along we start to see the BIG picture. Like all those positive thinkers out there I began to forget the small picture that I used to latch onto like a leech.

Why am I explaining this situation to you? Well, honestly it is because I want others that feel this sense of "doom and gloom" in life to know that there is a physical way to get to where we can see God and His goodness. Those blessings that I began to discover were all from Him and it showed me that I have nothing to be afraid of. It showed me that God is REAL. After reading His words and comparing it with the things that people do for others (that makes us feel good inside), I could see Him. I see Him even in those that don't even acknowledge Him.

The devil wants to distract us from this discovery. He wants us to ignore God's character written all over the world and pay more attention to ourselves and our shortcomings. He wants us to see the disaster, pain, ridicule, supersitition, and fears so that we miss out on what really brings us joy. His voice will tell you that you aren't enough, that you just can't get it together, and that there is nothing really to live for. For everyone, that voice comes at different levels of intensity. For me it was real.

Lastly I would like to point out that the skills I used to get me to a better place were not of my own. God designed my capacities and equipped me with the ability to use my stubbornness for His glory. I prayed A LOT during the time that I was coaching my soul. That determination came only from Him and His strength gave me a power that changed my life. No, it wasn't a sudden miracle. Just small simple steps that He coached me through.
_______________________________________________________

He has a GREAT plan for our lives. For YOUR life. Don't let the mistakes of the past and the fears of the future stop you from noticing His great love.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. - 1 John 4:18 NLT

Responsible Courage. Focus.

Strength. Courage. Focus. Wisdom.

Words that are drenched in success. To the world you either have it or you don't. It's told to you whether you fall in the norm of intelligence or not. But in a Kingdom greater than we can imagine there is a power we can obtain at any point in our lives, we just have to have faith to take it. God gives us the wisdom to speak the truth in the face of deceit. He gives us the courage in the face of hatred when sin is challenged. He gives us strength when all we want to do is barely crawl.  

I have been reading a book about a war. A spiritual war. Between the devil and God. The devil is trying to tug us into his fate while God is reaching out to those who desire the truth. We have a choice. This war is real. Taken lightly and you will end up in questioning with no answers. 

I read how God gave encouragement to another degree as His followers burned at the stake. I almost cried when I read that they could see the heavens open and the angels of God looking on in approval. He gave reassurance. That to me is success. Even after the martyrs died their influence still rang throughout as though they were larger than life in death. 

The guilt that stabs our backs, the expectations that cloud our destinations, and the present that we can barely see are all results of the devil keeping us from realizing that God was, is, and will always be right. I really have been empowered by this book. The Great Controversy. I have a responsibility as a Christian. I need to get the truth out there. 

Embracing His Righteousness

 Embracing what we are. I am probably not the first to retaliate. Defining who we want to be. I used to think that I was doomed for the weaknesses inside i thougt I wouldn't be able to take on a new way of thinking that would ultimately be positive. I am at a point in my life where I have made decisions to prevent certain ways of thinking and have adapt new ones. The determination showed me my strength. The fears revealed where I could change. I still want to curl up into a ball sometimes but the moments are shorter and I remember the words of motivation much sooner. Positive thinking doesn't come natural to the pessimist. That is my downfall. I have to bite the bullet and not just hope it all works, I have to know it works. 

It is strange. It is the moment you notice you are in deep that you realize change needs to occur. The hopeless death of dreams I thought I needed had to become some other focus. I embraced God like an infant. He was silent but in his precense I knew I was covered. He had helped me in small ways before so I knew he would pull through now. I was going to be His child and reveal His glory. Him I meditated on and talked to all day. Instead of releasing my fears and feelings publicly I would release them to Him. Instead of counting to 100 or slipping a pill, I pressed my urgency toward God. 

I knew He could heal my broken soul and would show me how to love who I was again. I wanted to be at peace vocally and in my demeanor. I found myself reaching more and more for His critique rather than that of the world around me. I found stability and strength like I had never seen. Circumstances were handed to me with His love written clearly within. I was where He wanted me to be. 

Today I have new questions and challenges. I still know His care and will reach Him today. In trouble we find His calm and solitude. in fear we know who to turn to. So in knowing these fears I see what I am. In knowing God and what He can do, I am one step closer to purpose and happiness in what I am. I am a child of the King. That is where I will define Myself here on out. We can only embrace ourselves when clothed in His righteousness. 

His Kingdom: Misunderstood

One thing that has stood out for me in the life of Jesus is a concept he talked about often: the kingdom of Heaven. Throughout the gospel he mentions it and everyone was expecting an earthly kingdom to take over Roman rule. Even His disciples would get all riled up about helping to establish this type of power.

Today I think we misunderstand it too. We think of the kingdom as far away, in the future, and almost in attainable. When the children of Israel were in the wilderness they were surrounded by God's glory at their core. He came in a cloud by day and a pillar by night. He rested over the mountain or over the temple. He spoke like thunder and shook the earth with His power. He met Abraham at his tent to tell him of his soon son Isaac. His chariot of angels and fire took Elijah to the Heavens as Elisha was the only witness. He walked with Enoch and showed His back to Moses for the glory of His face would have killed him. He came as a baby into the womb of a young girl. Lived in a rough town and worked as a carpenter with Joseph. He gathered 12 men and gained a crowd. He debated with closed minded men and healed the hopeless. He forgave the weak and blessed the cursed. God has been pretty much everywhere in our human history. 

And we want to say "I can't wait for Jesus to come again" or "where is God?"  Don't get me wrong, it's good to want Him to come again but if that is all you are going to focus on you might miss out on what is right in front of you. He said that when you visit those that are imprisoned you are visiting Him. Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and listen, you do those things to God. 

When God said the kingdom of Heaven was at hand, He was talking about His presence WITH them. He meant the effect His glory would have RIGHT THEN. When He told His disciples that they would see His kingdom before their death it was true. His glory came to accomplish. In doing so 3 of His disciples had the privilege to see a strong portion of God's glory on a mountain. Jesus' face shown, His robe was so white that no other white could compare. Elijah and Moses met with Him, two men transported to Heaven previously. They consoled Him before His death. All of this within God's cloud brought to earth once again. 

It's funny though. As God's glory shown down on the earth the disciples were asleep. Seriously, did they not feel the cloud close in or see the bright light behind their eyelids? I am amazed but not surprised. We are like that. We are asleep when God gives us an opportunity to let Him shine. We are bickering when people are starving for the Kingdom. We just don't get how close His kingdom is. When he finally gets rid of all of this sin we better get it. 

God's Kingdom is at hand. Now.

Weeping Prophets & Our Closed-mindedness

It is interesting how we put God in a capsule. So many people claim they worship the same God, yet they all have a different interpretation of what He does, wants, and and will do. Like sending Jesus here... so many people believe in God the Father, but they don't believe in the One He sent. All of His major and minor prophets prepared the way for Jesus, the Messiah. But his people claimed a different type of Messiah and even today we put God in a box, claiming his promises but denying his reprimands. Like little rebels we wander around aimlessly.

This morning I decided to read Jeremiah. At first I read the intro in my study Bible which explained that Jeremiah was a weeping prophet. I was like, "great, this is going to be depressing." I proceeded anyway, into  what God had to say to Jeremiah. I was strangely uplifted despite the overview. I saw where God gave Jeremiah a major task despite his age and apprehension. I saw where God said he would have to face the "faces" of the people, yet God would stand behind him no matter what. I saw where Jeremiah basically claimed he had an inability to speak, but God came back at him saying He would give him the words to say.

I have yet to see where the sadness prevails in this story of how God's people left Him for other forms of worship. I have yet to see where God pleads and still does not reach their ears. I have yet to see the judgement He places in this book. For today, I see the blessing that God gives to His people despite the many out there who deny His presence. We can be like Jeremiah, using the gifts God gave us before birth to fulfill His desires for the future.

I believe in Jesus Christ as the Messiah. I believe that He is God. I believe that I too have the ability to put God in a capsule, but that I have given Him permission to rip it apart and show me who He REALLY is. Predictable I am, God is not.

Substantial Riches

Posting a blog from my phone was something I never expected. I have changed a lot since I last wrote anything substantial but I guess everyone does over time. Here in my heart there is this growing bud of happiness and peace. It is a security provided only by God and he is the only one that can take it away. I can certainly remove it if I wish and sometimes it's easy to give it up for impatience and want.
I have been doing a lot of soul building. Searching our hearts just makes me feel overwhelmed so I have decided that I have to work with what I have, hence building. Acknowledging that I do have a heart is a big step. I have taken the lies that the devil has planted in myself and fought hard to be rid of them. God gives us the ability to determine the lies and it is surprising what we can discover!
Once I get past the negative concepts and reach possibilities I do the next best thing. Eat good food. Like spinach. I intoxicate myself with vitamins and minerals for a few days and then determine to eat whole foods, mostly raw. After that I go to the gym at least 4 days a week if I can and pump my heart and harden my muscles. Getting rid of unnecessary fat is essential. Lastly but not least I read the Word. I go to a study group to keep myself accountable. It has been hard to study and stay focused. It is actually the hardest task.
Here is where it takes time and patience. Here is where the true light comes in and makes your heart soft and pure. Here is where true knowledge expands and develops our people skills. This is where eating right and exercise come to true meaning.
I am no where near where I would like to be but I am encouraged to know that I am working on motivation. I have been il at ease for too long and without purpose. Maybe I am unmotivated in every other aspect of my life. But being motivated about God is where it's at. There is a reason for living. Before I was too depressed thinking about how I was so engulfed in myself. With God self is forgotten and his love bursts through my lack for a better reason.
I am truly blessed in this house. I am truly blessed with my husband. I am truly blessed to be called a child of a King. I am so rich it's ridiculous. 😊